


Falling Apart Is Just the Lastest Trend

by batty29



Category: Original Work
Genre: Mentions of attempted suicide, Mentions of underage drinking, Poetry, mentions of bullying, mentions of selfharm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 10:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3130481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batty29/pseuds/batty29
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a poem or short story of my teen years. (12-15) This includes my thoughts of self hatred that I have since resolved and come to terms with. My hope is that it helps others. I hope that it helps someone. Please review!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling Apart Is Just the Lastest Trend

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it helps. I just hope that everyone understands I am not bashing or ragging on anyone with emotional issues, this is how I felt at the time.

Oh Honey,

Abandonment isn’t fun, is it?

Well,

Go ahead, Define yourself, you are after all a teenager now,

Aren’t you?

Gotta find somewhere to fit,

Gotta prove that you’re not a _FREAK,_

You’re drifting,

Finally, you find the kids in black; you could find a place there,

Right?

That’s it honey,

Apply your makeup just a bit darker,

Find some _BLACK_ to wear,

Strike a pose,

Stick out your chin just a bit further,

Sneer just a bit more,

That’s it,

Perfect!

Remember not to show any weakness to the outsiders,

Snark and Snarl,

Just to keep them at bay,

They wouldn’t understand anyways,

Looking the part and fitting in is easy but, you still feel hollow inside,

Don’t you?




Drag that first blade across your wrist,

Wonder at the numbness you feel,

Take that sip and let the burn soothe you,

Everything will be okay,

Right?




Apply that makeup just a little thicker,

I’m sure no one will notice those puffy eyes,

If they do,

Well,

Falling Apart Is Just the Latest Trend,

You’ll Fit Right In,




Go ahead and spiral,

It’ll all be okay,

Won’t it?




Look at you now!

You’re fitting right in,

Lines across your wrist,

Heavy black marked eyes,

Melancholy rolling off you in waves,

You’re so cool,

So _cool_ ,




C’mon,

Show us just how much you can conform,

C’mon,

Why don’t you tell me just how different you are from everyone else?

But,

Be careful,

Don’t be too different,




Type cast all the rest,

Don’t worry,

They’re all just sheep anyways,




Go ahead Honey,

Write me one of your sad poems,

Go ahead,

Show me just how horrible your heartache is,

Just remember,

Your emotions don’t matter unless we can see how truly deep it is,




Put your Pain to the Paper,

And remember,

Make it,

 _Catchy_ ,




C’mon,

Show me just how much you don’t care,

Show me just how much it doesn’t matter,




They’re ripping away everything that makes you,

You,

But that doesn’t matter because you have their attention,

So Desperate,

So Very Desperate,

You’re just so _desperate_ , for their _approval_ ,

For their _attention_ ,

That it doesn’t matter anymore,

Does it?




Does it matter what they do to you?

Does it matter that you can’t even recognize yourself anymore?

Does it matter as long as you have their attention?




Go ahead,

Hand over every piece of your heart,

Go ahead,

Hand over every part of your soul,

Go ahead,

Hand over every independent thought in your head,

Go ahead,

Hand it all over,

They’ll Take care of it all,

 _Right_?




Is it worth it?




You’re over your head,

You’re drowning,

Just drowning in the bile of loneliness and pain of your emotions,




Is it worth it?




Oh Honey,

Are you really content with the table scraps of Friendship?

Are you happy with the attention you occasionally get?

Are you fine with being alone most of the time?

Are you okay with watching from the sidelines?

Are you really?




C’mon,

Gimme your best smile,

C’mon,

Smile,

They’re only breaking you down one painful blow at a time,

They’re only laughing at every mistake you make,

They’re only ignoring you most of the time,

They’re only giving you what you wanted,

So,

C’mon,

Smile,




Maybe,

Maybe if you get yourself a relationship you can prove your worth,

Maybe you can show you belong,

Maybe,




But,

Remember,

You only matter if someone _Loves_ you,




C’mon Honey,

Show us just a little more skin,

C’mon,

Show us some sex appeal,

C’mon,

Show us those curves,

That’s it!

Put on something _tight_ and try not to cringe as you reveal more,

We all know how ugly you really are,

But,

You make such a pretty façade,

Don’t forget Honey,

You gotta put out,

Don’t be frigid now,

You don’t want to be a _,_

_Tease,_




C’mon Honey,

C’mon,

You can read those mixed signals,

They aren’t that _hard,_

That smile is for you,

Isn’t it?

C’mon Honey,

C’mon,




Oh Honey,

Don’t break face as they laugh,




Try not to pine too hard,

You wouldn’t want to look to creepy,

Would you?




Go ahead Honey,

Close your eyes,

Close your eyes and pretend,

You can’t hear their condemnation,

Go ahead Honey,

Ignore the sting of rejection,

Pretend it didn’t even matter,

It doesn’t matter,

Does it?




C’mon Honey,

Write me another of those pathetic poems,

Show me all that pain and anguish,

Show me just how deep those new cuts go,

Show me how normal you can pretend to be when everything is blurry,

Show me it all,




Go ahead,

Shake it off,

Just shake it off,

After all,

You’re not alone if you’re surrounded by people,

Right?




C’mon Honey,

C’mon,

Smile for the crowd,

Smile as they poke and prod you,

They are paying attention to you after all,

This is what you wanted,

Wasn’t it?

So,

Smile,

You’ve certainly got their attention now,

Honey,




Just remember,

Don’t show too much enthusiasm,

After all,

It’s not cool,




Everyday the cuts go just a little deeper,

Everyday it’s something else,

Everyday breathing gets just a little more difficult,

Everyday is just a little harder,

Everyday hurts more,




Hide behind the music of other people’s pain,

After all your pain isn’t as bad as theirs,

If they can keep going,

Then so can you,




Don’t let them see just how affected you really are,

You wouldn’t want to give them anymore ammunition,

Would you?




C’mon,

You can cope,

You can,

Just cut a little deeper,

Just cut a little more,

Just take one more sip,

Just a little more,




That’s it Honey,

Can you feel it?

Can you feel the numbness setting in?




You’re okay,

You’re okay,

You’re okay,

You’re,

Okay,




You’re breaking,




That’s it Honey,

Break down for the crowd,

It’s what they wanted,

Anyway,




Go ahead,

Wallow in their pity,

Be _Greatful,_

After all,

You’ve got their attention,




Does it matter?

Does it matter that you’ve become a cliché?

Does it matter when you’re sitting in the corner letting your makeup run?

Does it matter what a spectacle you’ve made of yourself?

It doesn’t,

Does it?




After all,

It only counts if they can see your misery,




Go ahead Honey,

Cut some more,

Drink some more,

Loose yourself in the music,

Go ahead and ignore it all,

It doesn’t exist if you don’t have to deal with it,

Right?




C’mon Honey,

C’mon,

Pray for the numbness that now eludes you,

Pray for the relief you so desperately want,

Pray for some peace,

C’mon Honey,

C’mon,




Shake off all attempts to help,

Shake off all helping hands,

Ignore the concerned faces all around you,

They’re outsiders,

They wouldn’t understand,

They can’t help,

They’d just see how pathetic you are,

You don’t need their help anyways,

After all,

You’re just fine,




Go ahead Honey,

Cling to the first warm body to show you any affection at all,

Go ahead and put all hope on them,

They care,

Right?




Try not to crash and burn when they learn just how broken you are,

Try to hold it together when they leave,

Try to hold it together when you’re alone,

Again,




Hold it together now,

That’s it,

Hold,

It,

Together,




Oh Honey,

You’ve hit infamy now,

You’re a whispered joke,

A slur in the halls,

A rumor,




C’mon Honey,

C’mon,

Tell us,

Everyone wants to know,

How does it feel to be a,

**_WHORE?_ **




Oh honey,

You’ve certainly got the tongues a waggin’ now,




Was it worth it?

Was it?




That’s right,

Cover up,

No one wants to see what you’ve become,

Be quiet,

No one wants to hear you,

No one wants you,

Why did you even bother trying?




What’s the matter Honey?

Can’t stand yourself,

Can you?




How do you expect anyone else to?




C’mon Honey,

C’mon,

Show me another cut,

How deep does this one go?

C’mon Honey,

C’mon,

Show me just how desperate you really are,

How badly do you want to be accepted?

C’mon Honey,

C’mon,

Drink some more,

It’ll make everything better,

Right?




It doesn’t hurt as much when everything is so blurry,

It’s not as bad when the pain is external,

Its fine,

Right?




Go ahead Honey,

Go ahead,

Lie to the world,

Lie to everyone,

Lie to yourself,

Hide the truth under your sleeves and behind your makeup,

After all,

It doesn’t exist if no one knows its there,

Right?




Why don’t you just do everyone a favor?

And Leave,




C’mon Honey,

Why don’t you just kill yourself already?




Maybe,

Maybe you should,

Maybe you should just end it all,

Maybe,




But,

Are you brave enough?

Can you do it?

Can you?




Go ahead honey,

Go ahead,

Feel the rope as it settles on your shoulders,

Feel its reassuring weight,




This is what you want,

Isn’t it?




C’mon Honey,

C’mon,

Just take a step forward,

Just one little step,

One step and it’ll all be over,

Just one,




Maybe,

Maybe you can finally get their approval by becoming another teenage statistic,

Maybe they’ll finally appreciate you,

Maybe they’ll even miss you,

Maybe,




You’re so close now,

So close,

Close to oblivion,

Close to peace,

So close,




But,

You can’t do it,

Can you?




Pathetic,




Something’s holding you back,

Something,




You wonder if it can get any better,

Can it?




Maybe,




The days get harder,

You try,

Really you do,

But,

All you can do is try and retreat into yourself,

You try and hide,

But,

You’re out of safe places,




Smile,

Smile as they push you around,

Smile at the attention,

Force yourself to smile,

Smile even as they push you into situations you’re not ready for,

Just keep smiling,

After all,

This is what you wanted,

Right?




Don’t complain,

Don’t cringe,

Don’t,

Honestly,

Don’t you know how lucky you are that they deem you worthy enough for their attention?




_Alone, Again,_




This time,

This time, you think,

This time, I’ll really do it,




But,

It’s just not that easy,

Is it?




Why are you so weak?

Why can’t you just do it?

Why can’t you?




Stumbling along,

You find another shot at affection,

At normality,

Better not fuck it up,




Go ahead Honey,

Go ahead,

Let yourself feel,

But,

Don’t get too close,

We wouldn’t want a repeat of last time,

Now would we?




Bend yourself to the whims of others,

Remember,

Your feelings don’t matter much,

They don’t matter much at all so don’t let it show just how much being a joke hurts,

Your feelings don’t matter at all to the one behind the lies,

That’s right Honey,

Show them just how crazy you can look,

That’ll make your point perfectly,




Find a friend to confide in,

Let all your rage out,

Let out all the grief,

Let it out,

Don’t worry about the potential disaster of it being out in the open,

After all,

They care,

Right?




Scream,

Scream for help,

Scream for peace,

Scream for anything as the fall out threatens to consume you,

Scream,




Wonder,

Wonder if you can trust anyone,

Wonder if you can make it this time,

Can you?




Feel yourself,

Feel yourself Breathe for the first time,

For the first time in a long time as you’re dragged out of the tar,

Feel yourself,

Again,




Let those helping hands guide you,

Let those gentle words soothe you,

Let them be there,

Let them encourage you,




That’s right Honey,

You’re among _Friends,_

_Friends,_




Go ahead Honey,

Go ahead,

Raise your voice,

Stand tall,

Be yourself,

Let yourself be slowly glued back together,




Smile,

Smile and for the first time in a long time,

Mean it,




C’mon Honey,

C’mon,

Breathe,

That’s it Honey,

Breathe,

That’s it,

Breathe,

Just Breathe,




I get the feeling that you’ll be okay,

Just,

Breathe,




And let yourself feel again,

‘Cause you’re not in this alone anymore,

Okay?




 

**Author's Note:**

> Please, if you are feeling this way talk to someone about it. I am always available to talk, my email is battyideas29@gmail.com. And just know you're not alone. ~lots of love, batty  
> (Please review)


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